They Don't Have to Suck

Parades: how can we make them better? In the words of Vladimir Lenin, what is to be done?

Yes on:

1. Retired astronauts. Maybe in drag?
2. Drum lines of really badass drummers wearing black.
3. Metal bands on floats with big diesel generators powering their amps.
4. Two-man chariots with ballistae (like giant crossbows) which zip around shooting down cartoon character balloons, if any snuck in.
5. A float on which people are making wine by stomping on grapes in a vat.
6. (Becky adds): flamethrowers.
7. A public spectacle of punishment, particularly for pop-culture related crimes. Like, put the All American Rejects in a big scaffold on a float and have the crowd pelt them with fruit.
8. Eagles of Death Metal frontman Jesse "the Devil" Hughes as master of ceremonies.

I bring this up because I still don't understand why so much mainstream media is so banal. I assume parades descended from the Roman Triumphs, which were pretty badass, so I don't understand why we can't have equally badass ceremonies today.

Anyway, happy 2007 everyone.