2.22.2010

Apparently, I'm Fat. Also: Insomnia

As part of my "let's be healthy before we have a baby" project in ought-ten, I had a full panel of bloodwork done this morning (at 7-freaking-30 in the AM!) While my cholesterol levels are normal, I have high, not just "borderline high," triglycerides. Triglycerides are basically the form fat takes in your bloodstream as it's transported to its new happy home in your beer gut.

I am 6'1" and 160 pounds. But apparently, I'm still fat. W...T...F. I exercise, I don't eat junk food, I don't eat fast food, I walk everywhere, I spin, I kick, I laugh, I cry, I'm better than Cats. What the crap are the lipids in my blood thinking?

Also: I've concluded that insomnia is proof that humans are broken animals who can't even do basic things.

I'm going to go lie in a field and daintily sip pure spring water harvested in wooden pails by virgins and see if that helps.

4 comments:

noncoupable said...

Did you eat something high in fat before or within a few hours of getting blood drawn? That always throws things off (I think the cutoff time is like 8-12 hours). Otherwise, I dunno. One time I had my blood taken two years and was told I had high fat counts. Last two times I had blood taken I was told what I expected: you have very high counts of the good fats. Maybe it was just a fluke?

kungfuramone said...

Nope - it's the booze again. That's what my mom thinks, anyway, and she's usually right about things.

Elizabeth M. said...

Are the wooden pails made from sustainably harvested, untreated wood? That would make a difference too.

Chrissy said...

Sometimes, after my cat wakes up from a 14 hour "nap", I look at her and say "teach me."

Also, there is no fucking way possible that you are fat. I refuse to believe this "doctor" of yours.