2.22.2010

Apparently, I'm Fat. Also: Insomnia

As part of my "let's be healthy before we have a baby" project in ought-ten, I had a full panel of bloodwork done this morning (at 7-freaking-30 in the AM!) While my cholesterol levels are normal, I have high, not just "borderline high," triglycerides. Triglycerides are basically the form fat takes in your bloodstream as it's transported to its new happy home in your beer gut.

I am 6'1" and 160 pounds. But apparently, I'm still fat. W...T...F. I exercise, I don't eat junk food, I don't eat fast food, I walk everywhere, I spin, I kick, I laugh, I cry, I'm better than Cats. What the crap are the lipids in my blood thinking?

Also: I've concluded that insomnia is proof that humans are broken animals who can't even do basic things.

I'm going to go lie in a field and daintily sip pure spring water harvested in wooden pails by virgins and see if that helps.

4 comments:

noncoupable said...

Did you eat something high in fat before or within a few hours of getting blood drawn? That always throws things off (I think the cutoff time is like 8-12 hours). Otherwise, I dunno. One time I had my blood taken two years and was told I had high fat counts. Last two times I had blood taken I was told what I expected: you have very high counts of the good fats. Maybe it was just a fluke?

kungfuramone said...

Nope - it's the booze again. That's what my mom thinks, anyway, and she's usually right about things.

Elizabeth said...

Are the wooden pails made from sustainably harvested, untreated wood? That would make a difference too.

Chrissy said...

Sometimes, after my cat wakes up from a 14 hour "nap", I look at her and say "teach me."

Also, there is no fucking way possible that you are fat. I refuse to believe this "doctor" of yours.