I have three days left of honest, salt-of-the-earth computer work and then I'm back to my dishonest, cream-puff-of-the-earth intellectual labors as a grad student. I've got a neat handful of things to be terrified about:- Fees. It's at the point just before the term wherein I officially owe close to 9000 bucks. All but about 300 of that is magically supposed to vanish sometime next week. There's this kind of vertiginous terror involved in waiting for that to happen.
- Writing for grants. I've never, ever written for grants. Armed only with a vague idea of what my "project" is, I need to try to convince various funding bodies (who are yet to be identified) to give me money to do...something? Go to France, I guess?
- Preparing for my qualifying exams. I'm supposed to take them in exactly one year. Did I mention that everyone I work with is abroad right now?
- Really nailing down what it is that I'm going to write my dissertation about. That decision will be the foundation of my eventual success or failure in getting a job as an academic. No pressure, asshole.
But I've got my iPod, I've got my thermos full of black coffee, I've got a slowly-healing new tattoo. I'm trying to keep my chin up.
I should note a happier thing: for a while now my lovely wife has been making awesome crafty things. If you haven't recently, you should go look at her blog and her flickr site and her Etsy shop. This paragraph brought to you by Shameless Wife Promotion, TM.
Times like this, when I'm sort of reeling from existential uncertainty (what good old Sartre called nausea), I take heart in knowing that Dan Savage is out there. Here's his latest missive. And here's my favorite part:
"Your friend, like a lot of Bible-thumpers, needs to feel morally superior to someone. And looking down his nose at you in your little-girl dresses and me in my big fag relationship allows him to feel morally superior at absolutely no cost to himself. He doesn't have to refrain from fucking hookers or cheating on his parade of spouses to get right with his make-believe God. He need only refrain from doing things he has no desire to do—sucking dick, dancing around in dresses—in order to go to his wholly imaginary God's entirely fictitious heaven."
In closing, something I got out of my French tutoring this summer: I used to say "bonne chance" (good luck) to people, but at the end of my last session my tutor sent me off with a "bon courage." It's a much smarter thing to say: wishing someone luck has absolutely no effect on anything, but there's always the possibility that wishing someone courage might sink in a little. And we all could always use a little more luck and courage.
Bon courage, homies.
7 comments:
I am experiencing some of the same feelings. Maybe we should call it *our* nausea.
My fee situation is the same, except I think for me it will be all but $700. Uh, parking tickets, I guess.
And remember to think positive about the grant writing. It's not trying to make something out of nothing-- it is an opportunity to delve in the world of fiction!
Add me in too! Yeah, I've got a parking ticket that I have to pay also... and meeting my medical deductible for my migraine meds... crap.
To respond to yourself and goat: which is what makes grant writing and diss proposals so frustrating. You are trying convince someone that a project that is likely not doable is doable. They are going to decide on the doability of your made of project and try to compare it to the doability of other peoples made up projects, and then judge which has the most potential.
We're nuts I tell you.
and we should form a QE support group - where we share drafts, outlines, and talk through all the statements we have to present. I think I'm going to be first (tentatively late May at this point), but I'd love the company in my misery.
Maybe a QE drinking game... if we can hold our own sloshed, we're golden :)
KFR!!! I'm writing cuz I've officially started my first blog post. I thought you'd be proud. So check it out dude. I will try to mix it up and do exciting things like y'all do. But it may be tough with no digital camera. Ah well. Let's be honest, it's gonna a bunch of bitchy, moany posts about prelims readings for the next three months. So yeah, I'd actually avoid it like the plague (or a gold rush disease ;) if I were you...
;) L
Oui, les Francais utilisent ce mot "courage" pour tout. Je l'ai entendu pendant le Tour de France et aussi quand j'ai fait mon triathlon et j'etais presque mort--j'ai entendu "COURAGE, c'est pas loin maitentnant il faut COURAGE..............." C'est un peu comme "have faith" en Anglais je crois, ou peut-etre "keep it up, you'll be fine" meme si l'avenir est vraiment n'importe quoi, pas certaine et peut-etre sera un desastre. :)
Mais bon courage mon pote!
Well, even the nuance of the word is slightly different, I'll still take it. And yeah, the knowledge that the future might be a bloody disaster is precisely what makes it a nice phrase, methinks...
I have confidence you'll figure the grant process out.
If there's a QE drinking game, can I watch? I'll even take cool pictures and try really hard not to post them on the internet!
Post a Comment