Along with the Myth of Sisyphus, a favorite Greek-by-way-of-Rome (as opposed to Greek-by-way-of-Rome-by-way-of-Paris) myth of mine is the Sword of Damocles. The short version of the myth is that a servant gets to be king for a day, then notices the sword dangling over his head held by a horsehair and decides that it's not worth it.
The myth is supposed to be one of those grass-is-not-actually-greener warnings, but for me it resonates on a broader level of what it's like constantly worrying about the future because of choices made along the way. This is to say that I made choices, as did many of my friends, that did not result in our coming by anything like money or power, but we're still anxious about our survival in the social and institutional contexts we chose. I constantly feel the dreadful tickle of the butterknife of Damocles, dangling a millimeter over my head, suspended by Glide brand dental floss.
This is obviously most acute in academia. The thing with academia is that if you choose to throw in the towel, all of your years of work amount to nothing. This one guy once said, there are only two kinds of grads: those who finish their dissertations and those who do not. The problem is that by about four years of being broke and tired, it gets old, and you're always worried that that piece of dental floss will snap and your efforts will be for naught.
Next up: further giggles about the decline of empire, this time in world-historical context! A comfy pillow and duvet recommended.
4.08.2008
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4 comments:
I feel rather the same way about high school academia. The whim of voters, the president, or your own department head could oust you from your cozy teaching position (with the exception of those who are teaching math or English). Unless of course you're willing to take on something no one else wants (hint, hint: yearbook).
The butterknife doesn't get tucked away after you finish the dis either. While the number of PhDs in history passed out each year is (finally) declining, there is a huge backlog of PhD who still want jobs from years past (they're the adjuncts making up for state budget cuts). And if you happen to get a tenure-track job (yeah) you have the grind of teaching to look forward to along with the ever-present prospect of tenure review (which, I'm told, is a crap shoot).
I look forward to moving on to the wonderful world of empires and their decline.
It is good you have come to realize the truth that all answers to the question of life's little miseries can be found in the hallowed stories of classical antiquity. Hence, my continuing odyssey. Somewhere along the line, my hubris must have offended the gods.
Screw your poverty and academic struggles being all for naught! Living away from us for three years would be all for naught! You're coming back a doctor or you're not coming back!!
(j/k, of course, we would still love you if all you had was a lowly masters ;)
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