9.21.2009

Do These Jobs Instead

So there is and has been a Heat Advisory for the bay area for today and tomorrow. As of yesterday, it was supposed to soar into the 90s today, shooting closer to 100 tomorrow. Instead, it was, like, warmish. Maybe 80 at its peak. Forecasters are better here than they were in Oregon, but that is saying practically nothing at all about their abilities.

This gets me to thinking. What are jobs I wish I had done or could do in another life? Jobs that do indeed require training and dedication and esoteric skills, but which are also just really hilariously easy or involve an almost total lack of accountability, at least from an outsider's perspective? These jobs include:
  1. Meteorologist. Yes, they know a lot about weather. They also never really need to be right to keep their jobs, apparently.
  2. Marriage counselor. You can know, deep down, that 60% of your clients are going to split up anyway, but you tell them to stop being jerks and collect checks in the meantime.
  3. Any job that involves the word "consultant." These ass-clowns used to get paid 100/hour at the companies I worked at (for 30K a year) to sit in an office and think deep thoughts about how the company might be able to make more money.
  4. Big scary mega-church pastor. Wouldn't it be funny if they were all just kidding? If they were actually Jon Stewart fans who voted for Obama, but wanted to make easy money off of idiot hick rubes? Hilarious.
  5. Construction guy who holds the slow/stop sign. Self-explanatory.
  6. Evil ponzi scheme free-market investor who rips off other rich guys. As far as I can tell from the news, the trick is to never return to US soil once you get busted, and live in one of those "countries" (AKA "island nations") that doesn't enforce extradition treaties.
  7. Anyone who hosts reality television.
  8. Builder of big stupid motorcycles or muscle cars for celebrities.
Instead I am aspiring to be a professional historian. Ha. Ha. Ha.

7 comments:

noncoupable said...

what about PE teacher? I always thought it would be easy to tell students to go play basketball for an hour.

noncoupable said...

Also, as you probably remember, there is no actual requirement that the PE teacher be in any sort of good physical condition. Most of my PE teachers and softball coaches had beer guts.

kungfuramone said...

Yes! Good example! Let's get some brainstorming going here, people!

theNerdPatrol said...

Not to be a double negative, but this post is kinda a downer :)

Adam said...

As for #5, those guys get paid hazard pay because they have a nasty habit of getting run over. Not saying it happens a lot, but more than I would like to risk myself.

Now being an MRI/CT tech aid. that is easy money.

kungfuramone said...

NP: I am always surprised at how few people realize that I *am* a big downer.

A: a fair point. But still.

Rachel said...

people like downers if they're funny. :) Romance novel author. :D my old roommate knew someone who would write two a year, one in winter break, one at the beginning of summer break (he was a teacher), and go on vacation with the proceeds for the remainder of the summer. Pretty sweet!